pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize