Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
