he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Farmville is her only friend.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
