the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
