I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Are we still banned from the library?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My bed smells like the plague
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
