Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
