You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
