My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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