like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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