is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
