I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
