I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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