It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm way too hungover for life right now
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
