Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We need to rekindle our bromance
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
