who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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