Ambien. No doubt about it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
