What a fucking waste of an outfit
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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