I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
