Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
