I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
