You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
