You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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