omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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