you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
