just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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