you have to choose: penises or morals?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
