around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
