In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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