look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize