loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
