No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
