How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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