i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
