i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize