She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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