There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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