also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
