drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
