We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize