I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize