I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
