She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
my poor anus
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
