I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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