My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
