ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
