and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize