Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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