i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have fence marks all over my body
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
