I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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