It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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