I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
