how can u be prego again
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
