All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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