Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
