when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
