why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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