you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
