I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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