i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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