Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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