Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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