I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
