I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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