What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
