Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize