I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize