i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
