that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
