what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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