worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
